Samuel (Tennessee)

By on November 9, 2011
guy8

I enjoy delicious sandwiches, beautiful women, rock and roll, throwing peanuts at old ladies, and the occasional cold shower. I also sleep naked so if there’s some sort of emergency during the night I can immediately make it sexy. Basically If I were any more fun I’d be boobs and bubble wrap!

Name: Samuel M.(Middle Tennessee State University)

Favorite Drink: SURFER ON ACID (Jagermeister® herbal liqueur, Malibu® coconut rum and pineapple juice)

Advice to Freshman?  You’re a college freshman. It’s your job to be pathetic. And drunk… But mostly pathetic

Best spring break story: My freshman year I ended up staying in a room with 9 Sorority Girls at the 5 star Sand Piper Beacon Resort in Panama City Beach Florida, where dreams go to DIE. I was going by the alias “Gordon Bombay” (Mighty Ducks for all you born in the 90’s babies). Hammered Drunk, I was walking down the “strip”. I pass a JETTA full of equally intoxicated young ladies who proceeded to demand for me to flash them. Being the people pleaser that I am I gave them what they wanted and then some… same goes for the two officers in the police cruiser behind them. They were so impressed with my show of “indecent exposer, public intox, and open container (like it was my fault I lost the cap)” that they decided to invite me to join the other awesome people in the drunk tank patty wagon. Well since Gordon Bombay didn’t have any identification they decided to continue to drive around hunting for other bad-asses. Well after about 2 hours and their refusal to grant me a rest room break even though I tried to explain them the physics behind “BREAKING THE SEAL” I took it upon myself to relieve myself via the small crack where the 2 double doors in the back meet. Obviously this impressed them enough to upgrade me out of the patty wagon to my very own holding cell at the police station. I was let go eventually when the morning shift came in… I never went back for a court date or anything because I was never formally charged with anything.  I’d like to think that there is a warrant out for Gordon Bombay’s arrest, but I guess we will never know.

Are you butt or breasts man? Toughie, I guess it depends on where I’m standing… sitting…. lying… if she is facing me, than I’m a boobs-man, if she is facing away from me, than I go for the butt. Truthfully, No matter where she’s facing I’ll be a happy man.

My weirdest phobia is: Other than Dakota Fanning, it would have to be ghosts or something like that.  If I ever hear a strange noise or see anything that even remotely resembles a ghost I will not only piss myself but I will run. I have gotten into this habit where I’ll put my arm around the girl being all cool during a movie, but then something scary will happen and this one time I accidentally punched my girlfriend at the time in the face with the other arm when I “Jumped”…Let me point out that I usually don’t hit girls…unless we are watching a scary movie.

I often get mistaken for that Justin Bieber chick.

The quickest way to annoy me is When people, especially relatives, feel that it’s alright to tell me that “they’re trying to have kids?”… Oh, he’s ejaculating inside you regularly, I’m so delighted to hear that, and thank you for that immediately awkward mental picture that I’ll be stuck with for the rest of dinner.

What’s the ugliest girl you have hooked up with 1-10? Sadly 1 (more than once)

Do you trim your pubes? Of course it’s very similar to taking care of a very extravagant beard.

Best drunk text you’ve sent or received: “Life’s too short to get out of the shower and piss in the toilet. The only REAL difference between a sink and urinal is an opinion.”

Favorite #CTL tweet?  My body is starting to reject my college habits. #CTL

 

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