She’s Just Not That Into You

By on June 27, 2011

Submitted by #CTL Rep: Mass Girl Smashed (follow on twitter!)

Let’s face it; some guys just don’t know how to take a fucking hint when it comes to reading girls. Or even worse, they make excuses and ignore red flags in a desperate attempt to avoid rejection. Well boys, if this sounds familiar, read on to put yourself out of your misery. We’re here to help you realize when a girl is trying to escape; whether it be on the dance floor, at a bar, hooking up, or shacking up. It’s time to cut your losses and move on, because guess what, she’s just not that into you.

The lines that tell you its time to abandon ship:

“I don’t dance” = You don’t meet my standards. Expect to see me tearing up the dance floor with a hotter guy in about 5 minutes.

“Oh no, I have to go help my friend, she’s throwing up!” = If I don’t leave before I hear one more mediocre pick up line, I’m going to throw up.

“I have to go to the bathroom” = You suck at dancing. Peace. And I see you creeping up by my ear about to go in for a makeout.

“I have a boyfriend” = I’m completely single, but I’d rather go home to my vibrator than go home with you.

“I’m really tired” (when you ask her what she is doing later) = You bore me to tears, and I imagine you are just as dull in bed.

“It’s that time of the month” = During the middle of the makeout I finally have sobered up enough to realize you are not that hot.  So you’re not going past first base.

“I can’t ditch my friends” = I’m about to ditch you.

“I have a friend who would be perfect for you.” = I’m not interested. You’re in the friend zone, and damn straight, I want you to know it.

“Let’s go get some food!”= While you think you are taking me back home, I think you’re taking me to Taco Bell.  Sorry, the only chalupa I am putting in my mouth isn’t yours.

Discrete hints finally decoded:

I take your number, but don’t give you mine = I will be on the prowl all night looking for somebody hotter, and if that fails, I might call you depending on how drunk/horny/desperate I am.

I fake sleep just to end the hook up and get the hell out of your apartment first thing in the morning.

If I text you back with one word responses = I am saying “FUCK OFF”

You take a step towards me, and I take a step away = Fuck off. Same goes for edging away on a couch. If I wanted you around, I wouldn’t make a point of keeping distance between us.

Hardly making eye contact = I’m more content looking down, around, at my drink, at the wall- pretty much anywhere else but at you.

I’m replying simply with “yes”, “no”, or more frequently, “uh-huh” = I think you’re really fucking boring.

I let you do all the talking = Quit while you’re ahead. Oh, and that person I keep texting? My friend is coming over to rescue me in t minus 20 seconds.

The girl chatting you up keeps glancing over at the bar = Sorry, she’s just trying to make her ex jealous.

A girl shamelessly flirting with other dudes in front of you = The only thing she likes about you is the fact that you keep buying her drinks.

She ignores you = She’s at least a 7, and is personally offended that you, a 5, have the fucking audacity to hit on her.

She doesn’t laugh at your jokes = Yikes. Unfortunately, she doesn’t find your sense of humor engaging, and she doesn’t like you enough to bother to pretend otherwise. #suckstosuck

So boys, stop finding an excuse for her less than enthusiastic behavior and start reading the signs. Good luck and remember; the only thing that’s more annoying than a guy who won’t stop pursuing a girl who’s clearly not interested, is a guy who wrongly assumes that she is!


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