How To Translate Guy Talk
Submitted by: @racbru (Hofstra University)
We’ve all fallen for the bad boy with good lines one too many times. But don’t be fooled by his charm and wit, he doesn’t actually mean what he says. Guy speak is a foreign language for most of us girls, so allow me to be your translator:
“I really like you” = “I really wanna have sex with you”
“I’ll call you tomorrow” = Don’t wait by the phone, I’m only calling you if I’m drunk, it’s past midnight, and I’m horny.
“I usually don’t say this to anyone” = I say this to everyone, but want you to feel special.
“I’m not that kind of guy” = I am that kind of guy, but there’s a chance that you’ll sleep with me if you think I’m not that kind of guy.
“You’re beautiful” = You have really nice ta-tas.
“I don’t care if we don’t have sex tonight” = I’m really hoping that once we’re in your bed, you’ll have sex with me, and I’ll just be a ignore you the rest of your life.
“I’m not looking for anything serious right now” = I don’t actually like you, but I want to keep having sex with you.
“She has a really good personality” = She looks like she got hit in the face with a rock.
“I really like spending time with you” = I really like hooking up with you.
“Sorry I didn’t text you today, I was really busy” = I was sitting on my ass doing nothing all day, but simply didn’t want to talk to you.
“Come over” = I’m too lazy to make the effort to go see you, but a bj would be nice.
“My phone died” = I was with another girl and turned my phone off in case you called.
“It’s guys night tonight” = Some girls might be there, but I don’t want you to be one of them.
“We were just dancing, it meant nothing. She came on to me.” = Uh oh, you caught me.
“I’m not really friends with my ex anymore” = We just hook up every time we’re home on break.
“I miss you” = I don’t really miss you, but I am in a huge drought.
“I hope we can still be friends” = I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, but who said an occasional blowie isn’t friendly?
“I’m not into PDA” = I don’t want any of the other girls to know I’m hooking up with to see us together.
“I’m sorry” = I’m not actually sorry, but let’s have make-up sex.
