- An Open Letter to Nice Guys
- The Picture Girl We All Know
- Straight Guy’s Guide to Hot Guys
- 25 Things I learned in 25 years
- Dear Miley
- 2013 MTV VMA’s Drinking Game
- I Don’t Want To Live In A World Where Ben Affleck Is Batman
- Just Do You
- Can we talk about the new Lady Gaga song for a second?
- Let’s Talk About Student Athletes
Destination: Struggle City
Its Friday morning, you realize you took the struggle bus last night and ended up in struggle city. In case you don’t know where that is, its the place just outside black out city and it shares a border with hangover hell. you know you’ve arrived when you’re constantly on the verge of throwing up last nights concoction of alcohol and you’re headache is almost as bas as your 8am orgo chem lecture.
You look at the time and its 9am. Your class starts in 20 minutes so you jump out of bed. You’re probably wondering a couple things right now.
- Who’s Benny Fresh and why did I wake up to 3 missed calls from him?
- Why am i wearing a football warm up jacket an where are the rest of my clothes.
- Did I sleep with Benny Fresh.
- I can’t believe I forgot to take my contacts out.
Fortunately all the answers to these questions are in black out city. Unfortunately you bought a one way ticket for the struggle bus and you left black out city when you woke up. The only thing you can do now is hope your drunk self texted or tweeted what you were doing last night.
Instead of sleeping in your anthropology class like you normally do, you frantically go through all possible electronic devices you could’ve came in contact with last night. The only thing texts from last night provided you with is confirming that the love-hate relationship you have with auto-correct is mostly hate. Halfway through your search for the dignity you potentially lost last night, you get a notification that 13 pictures were added of you on Facebook. As if the current amount of damage control wasn’t enough, your mouth drops as you look through the countless embarrassing selfless and mirror pictures of you. Atleast now you know you left your dignity at the Sig Chi house, next to the toilet.
Now that you’ve been embarrassed by ever piece of technology you can think of you have to do damage control. Apologize to the public for pouring out your unstable emotions using extrraaaa lettttersssss and and annoying amount of emojis on twitter. Text the boys you sent “Whatrreeeee yu up tu toniteeeesexiiiiii ;)” and tell them your friend took your phone last night. Tell Benny Fresh he has the wrong number and erase him from your life. Finally go on Facebook and untag yourself from every picture of you last night. Luckily your head is in the toliet so no one will know its you when you untag yourself.
People say things happen for a reason. If thats the case I was meant to black out last night so I don’t remember the embarrassing shit I did. Unless I ask to find out what my semi-Unconcious body did last night, I ask you kindly to pretend like nothing happened. Please refrain from laughing in my face when I walk through the door because this happened to you last weekend. Let me peacefully transfer back to the sober society we live in until later tonight when I get another one way ticket to struggle city.