It’s Time To Get Wild

Southern belle: (derived from the French word belle, ‘beautiful’) is an archetype for a young woman who epitomizes Southern hospitality, cultivation of beauty and a flirtatious yet chaste demeanor.

Some girls need to focus more on flirtatious, among other things. At Clemson University, as I’m sure is the case with other Southern universities, there is a stereotype that as a girl, you’re supposed to have a ring by spring (of senior year). I wish I were joking. In case you were not aware, you can be the belle of the ball and the belle of the bar. And more than likely, while you’re out having fun with your friends as a sophisticated, independent lady, you will meet a taller, more handsome gentlemanly scholar than the boyfriend you met at orientation. Or even worse: dated since high school. Calling all pro-state, Southern women wannabes: it’s time to get wild.

So, here is everything you need to know about relationships. (Because I’m an expert and all. Cough.) And I don’t mean like the relationship you have with the boy you’re shagging, because I’m in favor of that kind of relationship, as long as you change it up often.

“We’ve been together for over a year. I can’t imagine my life without him.” Unless your boyfriend is Ryan Gosling, you do not have my blessing. You’re in college. How can you possibly waste one more second with him? His less than mediocre personality gives him about a snowball’s chance in hell at having another serious girlfriend so of course he is satisfied as your bitch-dog. I know you each have your own apartment; what I don’t know is why you are convinced you must live together in one at all times? And all the fighting. I tell my roommates: This is a house of wild, single girls. Go argue with your boyfriend somewhere else.

“He gets on my nerves and I don’t like him but at least I still get to have sex.” He is ugly and not cute. We go to a school of 19,000+ students at 54% male and you’re telling me you cannot find anyone else to steal football shorts from? I need you to have more gumption. (If you don’t know what that means, look it up.) And anyway, your friends miss hanging out with you, not hanging out with you and him.

“He was my first. We’re in love.” News flash: no you’re not. This will be clearer once you raise your number. I understand it can be difficult until you realize what you’re missing. So do everyone a favor and find out what you’re missing! Get drunk and have casual sex. You will be thankful one day when you look back on your wild, adolescent years, because they will have been wild rather than snuggled up on a couch watching The Notebook.

Try something new for the first time tonight. Borrow what you can; take what you can’t. And never, ever be afraid of underclassmen. My mom always says in regards to younger men, “At least they’re trainable.”

It is okay to want attention more than you want a boyfriend. You don’t have to have a boyfriend to get the P in the V. A boy can be replaced as easily as he was retrieved. You are the cultivation of beauty. So, be the epitome of Southern hospitality and show a few good men a good time. Here’s to being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple. Knock boots or get walking.