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Things College Girls Should Know About College Guys

By on March 1, 2012
radford pregame
  1. We hate sluts; they’re like coming in second. That said, we’d rather come in second than not come at all.
  2. An ideal college relationship is one where we make it seem like we’re not actually dating.
  3. Just because you have an ex-boyfriend doesn’t mean you have to constantly talk about him.
  4. If you don’t ask for a condom, then we’re probably not stopping for one.
  5. We will vent to you, but we don’t want your advice. Having a vagina over complicates things.
  6. We will always try to weasel our way in to a threesome.
  7. You have a better chance of getting oral if you just ask.
  8. We will talk about asses and tittes all day, but if you lack personality then we lack time for you.
  9. We learned our romantic experiences from life, not a shitty magazine. Don’t come at us with that crap.
  10. Yes, we looked at that girl.
  11. We rarely use a serious tone. If we’re actually trying to be serious, just listen up for like, 5 minutes.
  12.  We hate being led on just as much as you do.
  13. We want to have sex right now.
  14. We spend all day in class. The last thing we want to do is deal with your mysterious bullshit. Be straightforward.
  15. “I’m fine” means “You’re Fine.” “Whatever” means “do want you want.” And “I don’t care” means “I don’t care.” You chose the words; don’t get mad at us for taking them as literally as we possibly can.
  16. Drama is for TNT and the theater department.
  17. You have to impress our best friends more than you have to impress us.
  18. We’re not jealous… females just tend to lie.
  19. Shhh… sports are on.
  20. Girls worked hard for equal rights, and we respect that. So if you come at us with “It’s your job to ask me out/make the first move/buy condoms” then don’t be mad when we tell you it’s your job to make us a sandwich.
  21. Staying at “sex buddy” status without it getting complicated is just as hard for us as it is for you. We just hide it better.
  22. “I’m a girl who is like one of the guys” isn’t always a good thing.
  23. We save all naked pictures sent to our phones and our best friends have probably seen them.
  24. You’re ugly when you’re black-out drunk.
  25.  We can fart where ever and whenever we want. God forbid you feel the same way.
  26. If you want me to celebrate Valentines Day, then it’s not so outrageous that we want you to celebrate Steak and a Blowjob day.
  27. We understand that you have a menstruation cycle; we just don’t want to know about it.
  28. We don’t toss around the word “beautiful” too much. If we drop it, it means we care.
  29. We can recognize when you’re trying to play us and we will dip pretty quick.  We hate to be made fools of.
  30. It’s college and I will not give my friends up for a relationship. Respect that, cause neither should you.
  31. If I say no to a blowjob then we’re breaking up soon.
  32. Being fat isn’t unattractive; not caring about your health is.
  33. Sexting is wicked fun.
  34. Crying is blackmail. Don’t do it unless you really mean it.
  35. A one-night stand is just that.
  36. Trust and loyalty go a long way for us.
  37. Don’t ask our opinion and then get pissed for it. I go to a school of a million other sexy girls. You’re replaceable. I am too, and I understand that. Be mutual.
  38. If my friends tell me to dump you, you’re on the chopping block.
  39. “Just the tip” is never “just the tip.”
  40. Keep any and all extremities away from our butt hole.
  41. It’s not cute or funny to hit our balls. Softness is relative in that area and you wouldn’t know that.
  42. Yoga pants are an unfair advantage.
  43. There’s a fine line between trying between impressing us and begging for our attention.
  44. How can you expect us to notice an inch missing from you hair?
  45. There’s a difference between playing hard to get and being a cold-hearted bitch.
  46. Drake wasn’t lying; sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no make up on: that’s when you’re the prettiest I hope that you don’t take it wrong.
  47. If you’re mad at us, please leave it off facebook and twitter.
  48. We’d rather wait a couple months to meet your parents.
  49. Don’t you dare relate anything of my life to The Notebook, The Vow, or any Taylor Swift song.
  50. We’re both in college. Remember that, and we will too.

About Sterls Mc

University of Tampa Spartans. Suffolk Rams Hockey. Brother of Theta Chi. Blink 182 is my favorite band of all time. I used to do the truffle shuffle for the hell of it. Whatevs. @sterls_mc
14 comments
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ShitsAndGiggles
ShitsAndGiggles

Dear men,        Even as a chick....this list was way too long. It definitely isn't written for the attention-span of men. Don't you hate it when we ramble on? Yes, exactly, and so do we. So shorten it up!  Dear women,         As much as you don't want to admit it, most of these points are true. Get your head out of the freaking disney movies. Belle was into beastiality, Ariel was just a disobedient spoiled teenager, and Pocahantas ran around half naked all the time. Let's not strive to be like them. Don't get pissed that the men are being blunt because in the end....you know it's true. Boys will be boys and let's be real, college is basically a free-for-all. "Best years of your lives" because this is the time where you get to get shitfaced all the time and experiment with your sexuality. Save the sappy unrealistic romance fantasies for day dreaming or for after college. Don't hate me just because I'm spitting the truth.  Sincerely,  Let's be real  

Angel
Angel

This list is sooo funny!! to me most of it is common sense but still overall very informative. Lol

Classy In KC
Classy In KC

This is hilarious and sadly has been accurate in my experience with college men. But hey it's college so can't complain to much. (I'm a girl fyi)

Jake
Jake

Yeah some of this is spot on, but most of it just seems like you wrote it with your bros to impress them. And all of this is going to change once you meet the girl of your dreams, which you will though it might be hard cause you seem like a scumbag. 

anon
anon

Who wrote this? A 14 year old?

Andrew
Andrew

#14 = Pure Truth.

M. R.
M. R.

I like sluts - I think they're more experienced. U mad? Anyways, just like all lists, some spot on ones, some could-have-been-better-worded ones, some utter bullshit.

no
no

This is actually extremely sexist. we hate "sluts". From the start you start off by slut shaming. One of the most sexists things in our society. Although I can understand some points try and be less offensive. Maybe that's why you're not getting any?

Spatula996
Spatula996

Your obviously a slut

Damn
Damn

you're obviously not getting any and living a sad deprived life of hate

Kayla
Kayla

I'm a girl and I think this is awesome. Totally true and I love it!

Lol
Lol

wait are you a girl?

Kelsey
Kelsey

I'm a girl and I love this. You didn't seem completely sexist or vulgar; you just told it how it is.  Kudos.

Wyndhamfg
Wyndhamfg

This should be tested at every Freshman Orientation