CollegeTownLife

Group Sex Therapy #CTL

CTL — Sat, 19 May 2012 02:04:33 +0000

Fort Hayes University

Toilet Sign #CTL

CTL — Fri, 18 May 2012 21:40:07 +0000

She’s Sucking…?

CTL — Fri, 18 May 2012 17:04:27 +0000

Job Recruiters Are Like Girls That Don’t Put Out

michiganstate — Thu, 17 May 2012 23:44:51 +0000

This is for all of you out there who decided that you should get your shit together and maybe start applying for summer internships or for you seniors; full-time big boy jobs.

The job recruiting process differs from school to school but the basic gist of it goes something like this:

1.) Thank God I remembered that

While you’re sitting around and doing some thumb-sitting you panic and realize that the Career Fair is tomorrow(yes the thing that your profs have been telling you about for the last two months) and so you find the website and register for that bad-boy in your standard fashion; last minute.

2.) Re-fucking-search

So you realize that you have 12 hours to prepare for this event that is about to determine your summer or your fucking life. Jesus, Joseph, and Mary that’s kinda a big deal. So you come to the realization that you have to fucking nail this thing like you nailed that girl/guy during welcome week that you hadn’t seen all summer. This means researching the companies that are going to be there. You scroll through the list of companies looking for something that interests you and jot a few down. AKA-you jot down your favorite clothing/car companies in hopes of getting some free shit if you actually end up landing a position with BMW or (FIGURE OUT CLOTHING company). You weren’t fooling anyone but don’t worry, you’re not alone.

3.) Resume tweaks

By this time you’re pretty much prepared for the career fair and hey, you’ve only put 40 minutes into this thing. You’ve gotta be doing something right. So you pull out your resume that you had to do last semester for some COM class and for once feel like your schoolwork is actually paying off and translating into real world shit. After you get over that gay sentimental moment you come up with the idea of printing off some really nice copies of your resume for the big day so you send your resume to FedEx online and pick out some baller ass paper and shit.

4.) That’s it?

At this point you realize that it only took you forty-five minutes to prepare for one of the biggest and most professional days of your college career. Fuck yea! So you hand out a few high fives and maybe rip a couple beer bongs with your roommates to celebrate and so you can get a good nights rest.

5.) I knew this was gonna happen

Career fair starts at noon and you slept through your alarm and woke up at 11:30 so you sprint out of bed, shower, get half your suit on and show up at FedEx looking like a fucking bum. You realize that it’s alright and your only gonna be a few minutes late and head to the bathroom to compose yourself and finish getting ready. You know that scene in Anchorman where Ron is fuckin’ slammed at the bar and gets the call that he has to report the news? That part when he walks into the bathroom looking like a fucking wreck and walks back out in literally 2seconds and looks better than a four point that you actually earned and didn’t cheat to get? Yea thats the move that you pull when you walk into the bathroom. You grab your resumes, which look like a virgin’s tits, and head to the career fair. It’s go time.

6.) That was easy

The actual career fair goes really well after you get those nerves outta your system. You walk around from booth to booth dropping off your resume and all of the recruiters are extremely nice and very easy to talk to. Before you know it three hours have gone by and you have more business cards/company swag than you thought was possible.

7.) Free dinner and companies hitting on you

So that’s the overview of the recruiting process. Now the fun part begins: interviews, company meet n greets, company dinners and all that other shit that professional people do. This is when all of these big corporations start to ‘flirt’ with you. Yes that is the word flirt in the previous sentence, also known as hitting on, spitting game, and other shit(we’re in college, you know what flirting is).

For those who aren’t familiar with the company meet n greets/dinners, it’s a way for the company to invite select people from the career fair so the recruiters can get to know(flirt) with the students. If you ever talk to someone about these dinners they will probably tell you something like, “omg it was super casual and I just felt like I could really be myself around this company. I really hope I get the position.”. So what the companies do is make everyone feel very welcome and make the particular company/position sound as amazing as the first time you had an orgasm.

8.) Interview time

Alright so you’re finally at the last step of finding a summer internship or full-time job. But before we go any further, let me get this straight. All I have to do is use my schools resources, sign up for the career fair, shoot the shit with some recruiters and I’ll get some interviews? Crazy, we know.

At this point you’ve spoken with recruiters at the career fair, eaten dinner with some important ass people and now are feeling like nothing can stop you. This interviews gonna be easier than hooking up with a freshmen during welcome week.

Before you know it you’re walking out of the interview while cracking jokes with your new friend, yes the person that just interviewed you. God you fucking killed it. You’ll be CEO of this company in no time.

9) Email time

So at this point a few days have gone by and you’re waiting for an email from a couple companies telling you that they’re gonna fly you out to Chicago for a weekend for an office vist at the corporate location. Ahh, so stoked!

Finally an email comes in, while your walking to a big exam(you’re thinking ‘hell yea! I was bumming about this eggsam but finally they emailed me and this will surely make my day!”).

The first few sentences are thanking for taking the time to seek them out and interview with them, aww these guys are so nice, and then you keep reading. That’s when you come across it, ‘we regret to inform you that we do not have a position to offer you at this time’.

10) WTF?

Where the fuck did this come from?? Isn’t this the company that I was cracking jokes with at the interview because it went so well?! And isn’t this the company that bought me that nice ass dinner with that bruschetta as an appetizer that was so fucking good?? WTF??

This is why the recruiting process with companies is like sexy girls who love to flirt that don’t put out: a fucking tease. We all love flirting with them and love how they build us up and make us feel like getting it in isn’t even a question, but when we realize that they’re just a big tease; it tears us apart. So all we ask of you big companies: don’t waste our time and be a fucking tease, there’s plenty of other ‘boxes’ for us to put our resume into.

It’s The Motorboatin’ Time of Year #CTL

CTL — Thu, 17 May 2012 20:23:02 +0000

Eastern Carolina University

Creighton University PDA Fail

CTL — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:45:52 +0000

Creighton University

The Inevitable Slutty Phase

thesampiece — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:00:26 +0000

Whether it was that time when you watched your best friend pull Stevens into the bathroom to give him a quick blowie at a party junior year or the time when you snuck out to get finger blasted by that greasy upperclassman in the back of his Camry at 2am on a school night, we’ve all heard the stories of high school sluts doing unforgivable things to get their fix.

We had been newly stripped of our virginities and were eager to explore the magical world that lay beyond first and second base. High school was a time when girls could freely embark on a journey known to other females as their “slutty phase” as long as they were willing to put up with the rumors, catty high school girls and the inevitable nicknames that ensued. It seems like no matter how many years it’s been, there’s always that one kid at the party who likes to mimic your moans from the time you woke up your entire grade on your senior whitewater rafting trip to Vermont because you were fucking that weird kid from your English class all night. Regardless of what sexual encounter you are mocked for, experienced bitches around the world have more than paid their dues for their slutty phases back in high school.

While some of you more naïve readers may be asking yourself whether indeed every girl goes through this so-called slutty phase, I can confidently confirm that we live in a society where slutty girls succeed. While the timelines differ there is a slightly different breed of slut. This type of girl most likely spent her high school years in a committed relationship, watching movies at her boyfriend’s house on Friday nights and taking part in large amounts of dry humping. Her slutty phase did not happen in high school. No, this girl has only embraced her inner slut upon arriving at her place of higher education.

This type of slut is the drunk freshman in the bar getting finger blasted on the dance floor or offering handys to anyone that will buy her a cranberry vodka. I can assure you, every experience with this late bloomer will be miserable. Whether you’re the roommate who has to tell the guys that were promised hand jobs in the bathroom that they’ll have to take a rain check or you’re the poor guy who wound up with this chick going down on your member like a piranha due to her lack of experience, no one will win in this situation.

A slutty phase is something that has to run its course, so to those of you who have tried to sit down your slutty friend there is no amount of consoling that will set her straight…just a healthy dose of sloppy one night stands and a pile of empty plan b boxes.

The Famous Bowling Green State Vagina

CTL — Thu, 17 May 2012 02:39:27 +0000

This statue is really on campus~!

2 Girls 1 Guy #CTL

CTL — Thu, 17 May 2012 02:04:24 +0000

University of Maryland

Recipe for the Perfect Day Drink

Kat Healy — Wed, 16 May 2012 17:13:04 +0000

Preheat college for anywhere between 69-85 degrees. Temperature should be sunny, light, and remind oneself that there is life outside dark basements.

Start with 2 scoops of your favorite kind of LAX pinny (you can find this in your local fraternity for around 2 beers depending on your negotiating skills) or sundresses. The pinnies should be of a vibrant color and sundresses must be floral, which is really going to help add the right flavor to your Day Drink.

Add 1 pair of sunglasses. Should be black with bright frames, you can pick this up at your local dollar store. Expert’s tip: You will loose these; so don’t worry too much if they’re ray-bands or aviators.

Crush a generous amount of Natty Lights. This is really going to start adding the right texture we’re looking for.

Mix together a cup of Third Eye Blind, a teaspoon of DMB, 3/4 cup of Sublime, a pinch of Blink 182. Feel free to add other 90′s/00s favorite as seen fit. Mix together on a porch until you see a hackie sack.

Baked until a golden brown or 5′oclock.

After baking, set on a nice comfortable bed for cooling (sleeping) for about 4 hours.

Sprinkle some confusion, and with that you should wake up feeling exhausted and aware of what time it is. With that, your day drink should taste like bewilderment, regret, and happiness.

If still drunk add vodka, find basement, and viola!