Ode to Finals Week

By on December 5, 2011
finals

‘Twas the week before finals, and all through the town

Not a student was drinking, not a frat made a sound

The adderall popped and the coffee was drank

In hopes that your mind won’t suddenly blank

The guys and the chicks depart from their beds

While visions of passing danced around in their heads

Crammed cafes and library dates

Regretting the days that you slept in late

While out on the campus there struck a big nerve

Of Asian kids sprinting to screw up the curve

The readings you ignored pile up to the ceiling

Our asses are saved by Wikipedia stealing

Time home for Thanksgiving was a bittersweet tease

Come back to find College screwing you on your knees

Facebook and Twitter prove a hefty temptation

Earning your citizenship in the procrasti-NATION

Increasingly worrisome for that borderline class

Friday nights out made it impossible to pass

All the moments we said “at least I have time”

Well the time has come…. did you do it? Neither did I.

Stressed and starved and screwed and sorry

That we skipped lecture to eat Chipotle and watch Maury

Sit down to find that you forgot your ID

…and your blue book, and pencil, and scantron–F*** ME!

Exams handed out, the questions complex

Pray that it’s over, like a night of bad sex

Winter break so close we can almost taste it

High School friends, kegs, spending every night wasted

Eyes begin wandering while we’re cramped in our seats

That one kid is dragged out for trying to cheat

Smelly dude next to me, chill bro you’re fine!

Lord knows that your grade will be better than mine

Hand in the exam, relieved that it’s done

It’s been real, Econ 100, but the furthest from fun

One down, three to go, and to all that relate:

HAPPY FINALS TO ALL, AND TO ALL PASSING GRADES!

I need a beer.

About BerkeleyBabe

Janaiah. You pronounced it wrong. Grad student and UC Berkeley Alum. I take my coffee how I take my men. Go read my blog. www.thetickingtimebombshell.com. Twitter/Instagram: @janaiahmia
12 comments
Baudolino67
Baudolino67

At Cal, students dream of passing. Way to set the bar high.

Anon
Anon

You do not excel at parallel parking, you are a woman, but I like your poem, now make me a sammich.

Sbrown3127
Sbrown3127

you're also an idiot. and fuck you. You don't deserve to be in college.  WASTE.

BerkeleyBabe
BerkeleyBabe

Ha, ha. Touche, anon. But F you because I DO excel at parallel parking. I can out drink you as well. Not your typical HO. White or wheat?

njsp
njsp

what school did the person who wrote this go to?

Duf
Duf

Excellent. Just Excellent.