Guys to Stay Away From

As an ever-wise 20-year-old with an unjustifiably obscene amount of dating experience, I’ve met a million of these “red-flags”. I’ve comprised a list of types of men who are to be avoided at all costs. Some of these are boys to be avoided in specific social situations, others are just guys you should stay away from in life, in general.

1. The guy who goes out alone (to bars, parties and such).

Never talk to the guy who rolls up solo because a) he probably has no friends and b) he’s drinking alone which is unbelievably weird. You don’t want any of that Steven Glansberg shit.

2. The guy who stares at you, but can’t say hi.

Staring at a girl to the point where you cause her discomfort isn’t okay. Staring at a girl to this point and not having the balls to initiate a conversation is even less okay. It’s weirder than being the super forward, super inappropriate gawker.

3. The guy who lurks.

You definitely need to avoid this guy. Mark my words, the guy who sticks to your side the first couple times you hang out WILL later become a Stage 5 Clinger. This also goes for the guy who blows up your phone non-stop. Stage 5 clingers are the worst. Avoid them like the plague.

4. The guy who texts the entire time he’s out/entire time he’s talking to you.

This guy either doesn’t know how to socially interact without his precious Blackberry, or he’s got something (someone) more important going on. Also, non-stop texting is a very  feminine thing to do, and I doubt he’s having lengthy conversations via with another dude. So, basically, he’s either socially-retarded, taken, or gay. Either way, move on.

5. The guy who just got out of a relationship. 

You don’t want any of that emotional baggage or psycho ex-girlfriend drama, and half the time break-ups don’t even last. You don’t want to be the rebound, and odds are he doesn’t want to meet his next girlfriend after a mere week of being single.

6. The guy who talks to you about his ex-girlfriend.

I almost feel guilty putting this on the list, because I know I’m super guilty of talking about my ex-boyfriend to other guys. Horrible habit of mine. A guy who brings up his former girlfriend at any given opportunity clearly isn’t over her. And who wants to date someone who’s still hung up on their ex? Save yourself the frustration and cut your losses.

7. The guy who doesn’t tip.

(No explanation necessary.)

8. The guy with no life goals or future after college.

This also applies to the guy who’s Bachelor’s degree has been a work in progress for 7 years and counting, the guy who didn’t go to college at all, and the guy who has a long sob story about the 97 uncontrolled factors that prevented him from being a productive adult BUT has some elaborate plan as to how he’s going to become suddenly successful in the next couple of years. Save it. Nobody cares. Find a guy who’s doing something with his life.

9. The guy who can’t let go of his high school sports career.

I love these guys: the desperate, washed-up has-beens who still rock their Varsity letter jackets. The guys who were fairly talented at their sport in high school, may or may not have had the skill to play at the college level, but still join any team they possibly can under the false premise that they just may, one day, be the next David Ortiz. If you were going to the majors, you would have gone by now. Sorry buddy. Get a new dream.

10. The guy who is 22 and still selling weed.

I can’t stand this guy. How old are we? Join us all in reality and GET A REAL JOB. Selling weed stopped being cool somewhere around senior year of high school. If you date a grown man who is still hustling dimebags, you might as well just date the guy who’s on unemployment, cause that is his inevitable future.

11. The guy who ONLY calls you to hang out past 1 A.M., and only on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays.

I’m okay with the occasional late-night meet-up, but a guy who only hits you up at prime booty-call hours doesn’t really like you. You’re the late-night drunk option. Probably couldn’t get with anybody else all night, and you looked like a good last-resort. Truth ain’t pretty, ladies.

12. The guy who offers you a ride home the first time you meet him, or asks you to “come over and hang out!” after the bar.

I’d stay away from this guy unless you’re looking to be the next Natalee Holloway. This guy’s either awkwardly forward, super desperate or super psycho. Either way, sounds like a good recipe for ending up in a body bag to me. Just saying.

13. The guy who can text you like it’s his job, but never answers his phone.

Same goes for the guy who doesn’t text you back for days at a time, and the shadeball who can’t add you on Facebook. Clearly somebody’s got something to hide… and it’s probably you.

14. The guy who texts you/calls you/adds you on the Book 20 minutes after you meet them.

Don’t be flattered. Be creeped out. This isn’t cute. It’s stalkerish. If you give a guy your number and he couldn’t wait till the next day to use it, that isn’t a promising sign. And automatic Facebook requests are just sketch city.

15. The guy who doesn’t drink or like sports.

I don’t think you’re a real living, breathing human male if you don’t like beer and football. Sorry but it is what it is. Don’t trust that guy.

16. The cheap guy.

If a guy ever suggests you open your wallet, run like hell and never look back. There is no bigger loser than the guy who expects a chick to pay for him.

17. The guy who always takes you back.

I think a lot of us girls have one of these. The guy who lets us use and abuse him, and walk in and out of his life time after time? The guy who will literally forgive all your faults, and worship you no matter what? He may have a great heart, but he’s got no spine. And if he was the guy for you, you’d never treat him like that in the first place. As easy as it is to run back to him whenever you’re bored, stay away from this guy. You should want to be with somebody you care about as much as (insert name here of the guy who always takes you back) cares about you.

18. The guy who already hooked up with your friend.

This shouldn’t even have to be discussed. Not only is dating this guy breaking the #1 rule of the Girl Code we all live by, but I promise you, when he’s done with you, he WILL try to get with one of your friends. It’s a vicious cycle. Not a line you want to cross. Besides, why buy your friend’s used Jetta when you could go get your own 2011 Audi? No one wants previously owned vehicles. We have standards here. Keep your eye on the prize, girls.

19. The guy who always, always, always has a girlfriend.

Guys who always have a girlfriend aren’t some hot item that you need to obtain. No. Guys who always have to have a girlfriend = guys who are too pathetic and insecure to be alone. That’s that. And good luck breaking up with that guy. I can smell the suicide threats already…

20. The jealous guy.

Initially, you might think a guy who is over-protective and jealous is harmless ,and maybe even cute, but it’s exactly the opposite. Not harmless. And not cute at all. Jealousy is actually the beginning stages of psycho. We all want to know our boyfriend would break somebody’s nose to protect us, but most of us don’t want him to actually do it. If a guy starts snooping through your phone and bugging out over your guy friends, dump him fast and count yourself lucky cause you just dodged a bullet.

By: New Hampshire #CTL Campus Rep: Kerry