He Did What To That Girl In The Club?

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I realized something today as I was walking to class and, for reasons only known to the pandora stream constantly playing the “most unrelated to whatever you’re doing right now” station in my mind, had Juvenile’s “Back Dat Ass Up” completely stuck in my head. There is just something I hate about when rap songs tell me what to do.

I mean, Juvenile, if I wanted your opinion on what to do when I was dancing up in the club, I would’ve personally asked you. But if anyone approached me and told me I was “a fine motha-effer won’t I back dat thang up,” I would probably run in the other direction and leave them with whatever I was drinking freshly splashed all over their spray tanned face and skin tight ed hardy v neck tee. But while I’m smart about these things, I feel like other people don’t share this opinion, and take these songs as opportunity to back their groove thing up on some boy in the club. For some people, these songs might as well be modern day hypnosis. There’s just something about catchy beats and fast rhymes that make girls want to let Sisqo see their thong instead of politefully declining and going home to eat ben and jerry’s and play with their cats.

I wish there were songs that suggested people to do things for good rather than for the club, like “brush yo teeth (betch)” or “getcha flu shawt on shawty.” I mean we could improve public welfare through suggestive lyrics and crude language. Why has no one ever thought of this before? It’s in no way contradictory or anything….

But unfortunately until I can get “I wanna take u home 2 meet my mama n make sure she approve of you b4 we take this n e where further” picked up by any record labels, we’ll have to deal with suggestive music about backing things up and letting people see things previously only viewed by significant others and those darn peeping toms.

On that note, can you imagine if rap music had been around in olden times? Like the big hits were “show me your ankles shawty” or “corsets in tha castle,” or “i wanna waltz up on u 2nite?” If you need me, I’ll be silently giggling to myself as I think of more old
english rap titles.