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Words of Wisdom for the Collegiate Social Climber
High school was interesting to say the least. In high school, everyone struggled to be at the top of the food chain, to be the motherfucking king of the jungle and have the masses cower at their feet. We all dreamt of being part of that elite 1% of the student population that had the perfect clothes, the hottest boyfriends/girlfriends, and the most badass parties that made Project X look like a family barbeque. But by the time the spring of senior year rolled around, all us with a somewhat decent GPA began to realize something: Holy shit. In a few months we are going to college. As we each made our separate plans to attend our choice colleges, the triviality of high school cliques faded into the background. We are going to COLLEGE. A magical place where your high school reputation means nothing and everyone has their own place where they fit in, right?
WRONG. Fast forward two years and I’ve begun to realize that college is just like high school, but with richer friends, endless booze and more moral ambiguity. I still find myself trying to climb to the top of that food chain. I still want to be a motherfucking lioness. It doesn’t matter if you are a computer engineering nerd, an outdoor adventurer, or a hard partying Greek; the social hierarchy still exists. There’s always going to be that one kid in your respective clique that sits at the top of the food chain, kicking back drinking a beer and instilling fear into his or her lesser subjects.
I’ve realized that this is just the way life works. We are ultimately all just going to have to accept that this is how it is. We are essentially just animals, fighting to survive. Even after college is a fond and distant memory, we are going encounter these snooty fucking Alpha super-humans that just seem to get whatever they want, whenever they want by doing nothing.
So here is my advice to those of you that still aren’t happy with your lives and long to be that motherfucking lion. Grow some balls and change your situation. Challenge the king/queen of the jungle and rip out his/her throat. Just keep your claws sharp and your eyes alert, because I can guarantee that there will be another lion in training, lurking in the jungle waiting to pounce.